When I first "refound" Islam everything seemed to be so easy. Once I decided that following Islam was how I wanted to live my life it was easy for me to change. I was on this meteoric rise to get rid of all my Haram habits and live my life the Halal way. I started praying the 5 prayers all with Sunnah, I prayed at work even though I was singled out because of it. I fasted, paid zakat, stopped dealing with Riba. I stopped dealing with bad friends and non mahram men. Anything that was Haram I did my best to avoid it.
I completely changed as a person because I felt that I was a walking representation of Islam. I was nicer, calmer, an all around better human being.
On the outside I changed even more. Gone were the tight clothes, the make up, the perfume, the long flowing hair and the blue contacts. They were replaced by a abaya, Hijab, glasses and eventually a niqab.
With all of these changes one would think that I would be struggling but it was the happiest time of my life.
And now that I have made all these changes I find myself struggling with my Iman. My feelings have not changed towards Islam but it is harder to do the little things. I do not read Quran as much, I do not pray Sunnah as much, I watch things on TV I should not watch etc. Overall I feel I am slipping.
A big part of this is my isolation away from other good Muslims. I can not even go to my local mosque because of the mixing and the leers of dirty men. I think as Muslims we go through phases with our Iman, sometimes up and sometimes down. I have to be more diligent about the little things and make more dua and InshAllah I will be back on the right path.
6 comments:
As human we do go through phases...As Muslims we are tested and confronted with elements that bring us closer to our creator. I would like to believe this with all my heart. I pray that you will find that balance.
Oh, and it's a struggling when you are actually doing the right thing.
Jazak Allah Khair Salma for your comments, I am trying to do the right thing. InshAllah I will succeed.
Its ok Sis, we all feel like that at some point. Just try to take some time out for Allah and InshAllah it will get better.
Assalaamu alaikum Umm Tamim, I really felt your post because I also rediscovered my Islam a few years back and I truly never felt that "high" again :) I felt so "God concious" in EVERYTHING I did but now I truly feel like I am struggling...striving everyday holding on trying to get that back.
I think we need to set small goal of improvement and make efforts to be better not just struggle to maintain. I remind myself before you ofcourse :)
May Allah increase us in Imaan and Taqwa :)
Your sister in Islam
Umm Imaan-Jazak Allah Khair Sister for your comments. I felt exactly how you described it...high! It is difficult to get that back. InshAllah with small goals of improvement as you suggested we will succeed.
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